Well, ok, I will.
I’m not entirely sure when the Central Perk coffee house trend made its way over to the UK from NBC’s portrait of blue-collar America, but it is well cemented in society now.
Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Monica have a lot to answer for. Damn them.
As pubs die out at a dozen a day, coffee shops sprout up in their place like weeds through the beer-laced floorboards.
How many cups of tea/coffee should you drink a day?
I joke. Coffee shops are actually a great place to grab a drink or something to eat at a fraction of restaurant prices and for a darn sight quicker.
I’m a devout follower of Yorkshire Tea, but I do drink coffee when the occasion calls for it. Because, well, I always thought that was the point of it.
It’s just a drink to get you pinging in the morning. Crack for the office worker. Isn’t it?
Well, no, as it turns out. Coffee is now a lifestyle.
According to Sirincci Coffee Company, these are the ‘stereotypes’ of particular coffee drinkers.
- Espresso drinkers are bold and efficient, appreciating the strong, rich taste of their brew.
- Latte lovers are creative and value balance, enjoying the interplay of coffee with milk and flavors.
- Black coffee drinkers favor simplicity and tradition, opting for a straightforward coffee experience.
- Decaf consumers are health-conscious and caffeine-sensitive, participating in coffee culture on their terms.
- Cold brew aficionados are patient trendsetters, valuing quality and the craft of coffee making.
Grow up, it’s a sodding drink.
“Hi, can I take your order?” the waitress (sorry, Barista!) asked.
“Certainly,” Genevieve replied, “I’d like a grande caramel macchiato in a venti cup, 1/3 whole milk, 1/3 almond milk, 1/3 soy milk, double the amount of vanilla syrup, caramel wall in the cup, no caramel drizzle on top, tall cup ice, whipped cream, rounded lid, 1 shot extra espresso (decaf), cinnamon sprinkled on top. For the name of G-E-N-E-V-I-E-V-E, please.”
Coffee drinkers, I never understood them, but thanks to Tassimo, I had a chance to step into their Crocs for myself. Escape my instant black coffee two-sugars comfort zone and see if I could have a cardiac arrest ‘the right way’, for a change.
Press the only button on the machine (the instructions were binned immediately) and let the Tassimo do the rest. (Image: Newsquest)
Tassimo machines range from about £40 upwards and are one of the most trusted brands among connoisseurs.
They sent me a machine this week to try for myself, along with two different sets of pods.
I have to say, the set-up could not be easier. Plug it in, fill the back up with water, pop a pod in the top and place a cup on the holder. So simple.
My choices of pods were ‘American Smooth’ and ‘Columbia.’ As I’m an Oasis fan, I tried the latter first.
Press the only button on the machine (the instructions were binned immediately) and let the Tassimo do the rest.
It looked a damn better than my typical Shrek-like coffee that I make in the mornings, I have to say, but how would it taste?
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Well, put it this way: I’ve used it almost every morning since, and the instant stuff is gathering cobwebs. I hate myself.
Alright, I’m still some way off becoming a Genevieve in some boujee high-street gaff, but I have to say Tassimo has converted me into being a – dare I say it – coffee lover.
It was a pure revelation.
I’ve even agreed to start going on morning walks after a cup, which, considering my nightly medication could knock out a hippo, is saying something.
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