Not this weekend.
At 10am, I joined hundreds of other bleary-eyed folk at Hove Lawns for the Brighton Santa Dash.
You can’t say I don’t suffer for my art.
The popular annual event was meant to take place last Saturday, but chaos caused by Storm Darragh saw it postponed to today instead.
After being handed some standard-issue St Nick clobber, I slipped into some very capacious trousers and wrestled a rather snug hat onto my head.
Bearded, suited and booted – well, trainer-ed – I surveyed the sea of red. “I’ve been looking for you for ages”, complained one man as he found a friend. “It’s like blooming Where’s Wally?”
“But it was raining,” Ann explains, “so we went for brunch instead”.
Brunch. “Now that’s a fine idea”, I think as I eye up Lawns Café with a longing look. But an onslaught of running Santas drags me away from temptation and before long I’m jogging along, as Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas blasts from speakers.
Some four-legged friends donned the red get-up too as they trotted alongside owners while some parents – buggy runners as they are known – took little ones along for the ride.
As we zipped past the beach huts, I noticed my belt had made a bid for freedom while my trousers began to sag. “You’re having a wardrobe malfunction”, warned a spectator from the sidelines as I nodded wryly, my cheeks flushed to the scarlet of my apparel.
I’m not opposed to a midweek jog, and I am partial to a parkrun, but doing it all trussed up in Father Christmas’ livery is an entirely different kettle of fish.
Before too long – oh alright maybe a bit long – I made it to the finish line and scooped up my medal.
I suggest they ditch the runs and keep the biscuits. No one takes up my suggestion – their loss I say.
It’s a race which is “close to their hearts”, Alice tells me because she works for The Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital in Brighton, which is connected to Rockinghorse, Brighton Santa Dash’s chosen charity. This year the race organisers encouraged every participant to donate £20 to the charity.
Ellen is a children’s nurse, working in CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services).
Before I head home – ready to ditch my suit and clamber into a hot shower – I get chatting to Mat Keller who has come to watch the Santa dash every year but raced for the first time this year.
He said: “I’ve been doing Couch to 5k for the past eight weeks, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to put it to the test. I always enjoyed it as a spectator and thought it would be nice to do it.
“I got my 5k PB – I’m used to running up and down, so it’s nice to be on the flat.”
As the Santas disperse, I get ready to do a 5K to Couch – the right way round, one might say.
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