We dine at London steak restaurant Fazenda Bishopsgate
FAZENDA IS ALL ABOUT… Meat! As far as the eye can see. But not how you’d normally order it. Disembodied limbs from (insert any legally edible animal) are unceremoniously carted around the restaurant on skewers and taken to tables, where if you have a certain sign facing upwards, a waiter slices onto your plate. Fancy chicken heart? Rump? Sirloin? All thirteen cuts in one go, like some terrible Tudor king? Great, have it all. It’s unlimited. Just remember to say yes to the roasted pineapple. Added to the menu recently, it’s a welcome kick of fresh sweetness that cuts through the meat fat. Fazenda is a British take on the Portuguese rodizio style of dining. This is proper heaven or hell stuff, depending on your carnivorous sensibilities.
WHAT’S THE VIBE? Ignore the displays of fake flowers and the rest of the decor looks great. The ground-floor bar serves good cocktails, but go upstairs and the dining room (let’s call it the Meat Emporium) is warm and enticing. It has the sort of contemporary design that still manages to feel warm and functional as well as driven by the latest interior design trends. Choose one of the comfy banquette tables in burnt orange and observe the perverse act of meat-sessioning, where City boys haul as much skewered bovine muscle mass as they can. Like trainspotters, they keep an eye for the cut they haven’t tried yet (we were waiting for the ribeye, and when it came it didn’t disappoint). It’s a fancy place to do something incredibly unfancy like piling your plate full of food like a precocious ten-year-old at the Pizza Hut buffet. Hey ho, we don’t have to be fancy all the time.
13 types of London steak in one sitting
HOW’S THE FOOD? Decent. Not the best steak you’ll eat in London, but having all the variety is a worthwhile experience nonetheless. Sure, no one needs thirteen cuts of steak. But no one needs four or five pints (should that be six or seven?) and yet City folks accidentally dispense of that many drinks come ‘Thirsty Thursday’, just because it feels nice. So forget the preaching and get eating. And don’t forget the pineapple.
To book a table at London steak restaurant Fazenda, go to fazenda.co.uk/location/ bishopsgate or call 0203 370 7202
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