His crimes would have had untold impact on individuals and organisations alike and such widespread offending requires the most painstaking detective work. Still, however hard working and resourceful investigators are, sometimes help comes from the most unlikely of places. Occasionally, feckless criminals gift the police golden opportunities to catch them on a plate. Despite the wit that must be needed to sustain a complex criminal operation, DFT handed the police two such ‘he did what?’ moments. First, he pitched up at Brighton Police Station to reclaim a lost wallet. A wallet within which police had already found several credit cards in different names which led them to his fraudulent empire. Then, soon after, having not worked out that wallets were his Achilles heel, he dropped one in a bank while pretending to be his dead business partner. This opened more lines of enquiry and led to his fate being sealed.
Despite what we see on the TV, such idiocy is not uncommon. There’s a saying that you don’t need to be stupid to be caught, but it does help.
One cold, windy, winter night in Brighton, Dave and Geoff, two canny police constables, were hunting for something to do to make the shift go quicker. As they inched along Eastern Road, a car behind flashed its headlights. Geoff pulled over and the other car copied. Both officers stepped out and strolled to the other vehicle. Geoff approached the driver and Dave spoke to the passenger, who opened the conversation by asking for directions to Newhaven. Both officers realized from their accents, and their reason to flag them down, they were out of towners. Dave carried out a routine Police National Computer check to discover who owned the car. In no time the radio crackled back informing Dave there was no record of that registration number. He took a closer look. It was then that Dave spotted something odd. He rubbed his fingers over the letter E and, found the bottom bar was raised. He found that black masking tape had been stuck across the letter which when he peeled it away revealed that the real registration started with the letter F, the tape creating the illusion of an E.
He re-ran the check and was delighted when the result came back; the vehicle was stolen. The two blundering men were arrested, leaving Dave and Geoff to wonder, exactly how stupid do you have to be, when driving a stolen vehicle, to stop a marked police car for directions?
Then there was Gus, the armed robber who queued dutifully with his plastic gun complete with red stopper in the barrel, accepted the cashier’s apology that they’d run out of banknotes so would small change do. This gave time for the police to be called and, after Gus was arrested, it transpired he’d not only locked his getaway bicycle outside the bank but removed the saddle as he was concerned of the level of crime in Brighton and he didn’t want the bike stolen.
Sometimes, it’s through the mouth of babes that gives the game away.
Around this time of year, Julian, a drugs unit detective sergeant was becoming exasperated hunting down a slippery suspect. Not for the first time, he wearily rapped on his prey’s door. Despite the frank and impolite insistence from the man’s wife that he was not at home, Julian exercised his police powers to go in and check anyway. As he walked into the hall, Julian was met by a five-year-old girl, dressed ready for Christmas, looking quite the little angel. Not weighed down with shyness, she asked Julian if he was looking for her daddy. Julian gently and with a playful smile said yes, at which point the little girl pointed to an understairs cupboard and giggled, as if giving a game of hide and seek away. Sure enough he was and was taken away, leaving all to only imagine what that family’s Christmas was like that year.
Former Brighton and Hove police chief Graham Bartlett’s Jo Howe crime novels, Bad for Good and Force of Hate, are now published in paperback.
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