Conor bravely shared why he’s planning to give back to his local community after facing his own mental health battle
A Belfast man has bravely shared why he’s planning to give back to his local community after facing his own battle with depression.
Having come through his mental health issues, which included a number of suicide attempts, West Belfast man Conor McIlvenny says he now “feels obliged to give back” and do his bit for others in a similar situation.
Conor, 32, manages Tribe Belfast boxing gym on Ormeau Road, but just a few years ago, he found himself in a very dark place.
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“Suicide hits so many people, it touches so many lives. Everyone knows someone where suicide has impacted their life, so it’s a big deal for me,” he told Belfast Live.
“It’s a silent killer and people don’t speak up enough. I was very privileged and wanted for nothing. I came from a caring home, I went to a good school, played sport, but it doesn’t discriminate.
“I was a popular kid and seemed to have everything going for me. Then I went through a breakup, like near enough every young boy goes through. It seemed to be the end of my world and then it just kept building. I experienced more rejection and heartache and it just got a bit too much.
“After a few years of therapy and looking back at the reasons why, I just feel that I had it too good and didn’t have the coping mechanisms built up throughout my younger teenage years to deal with that.
“On the flip side, going through what I went through has taught me that I’m not indestructible, I’m going to get rejections and it’s made me a much stronger person. I can deal with those things a little bit better now after going through what I went through.”
Conor says fitness was his medicine and now fast forward a number of years, he’s found a career as a personal trainer: “I’m very proud of myself for getting out of that dark hole, and it wasn’t just all on me.
“I was surrounded by a very good, strong family who loved me. I had help with counsellors and therapists too but it was really fitness, going to the gym and training that helped me.”
Now Conor is gearing up for another huge challenge running 7 Marathons in 7 Days from April 27 to May 3 to raise funds for a cause that means so much to him, West Wellbeing Suicide Prevention.
The charity provides suicide prevention care and support, through a range of services including one to one therapy, addictions therapy, children and young peoples specific counselling, child art therapy with fully qualified psychotherapists, befriending, advocacy and family support.
“I got into running a few years ago and started doing a few marathons with four under my belt so far. Now I’ve decided to do something a wee bit extra for this local charity where the money stays in the community,” Conor explained.
“Having suffered badly myself with depression, mental health issues and multiple suicide attempts, I thought that they’d be able to help people like me. It’s an issue that’s prevalent in the community and only in the last few weeks I’ve heard of two young males who died by suicide.
“Hearing about what is happening to young men in the community makes me lace up the shoes and go back out and just get more running done. I’m not doing it for me, I’m doing it for the people who have taken their own life and the families they’ve left behind too.
“I completed the Budapest Marathon in October and when I woke up the next day, my legs were fine and my body felt really good so that planted a seed. I’ve based the challenge around the Belfast City Marathon on May 3 as the finisher with 6 marathons of 26.2 miles in the days leading up to that.
“I set up a GoFundMe page and the generosity of people has blown me away. We are sitting at over £7,000 pounds at the moment and we’re also organising a Night at the Races in The Devenish on April 18.
“Never in my wildest dreams did I think that we would raise as much so early in the year so I’m very appreciative of people’s generosity. I think it also hits home that suicide touches so many people.
“If it’s not directly in your family, you’ll know someone who knows someone who has been impacted by it and I think that’s why it resonates so much.”
When asked what advice he would give his younger self now having come out the other side, Conor said: “It’s not as bad as it seems and that’s not to undermine anybody’s issues, but everything can be dealt with. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, talk about it as most of the time that talk just helps something so simple.
“There’s help out there now so reach out. I know it’s hard to do, but even if it’s not to a loved one, if it’s a friend, a coach, or anyone, reach out and speak because that could save your life.”
He added: “Check on your strong friends and family members too. We may have no idea what they are going through. If you have a loved one that you’re concerned about or even someone that you’re not concerned about, just ask them if they’re ok.
“Even if it’s going out for a coffee, just make sure they’re feeling ok because that one question could be the catalyst to them opening up and then getting the help that they need.”
You can donate to Conor’s fundraiser here and follow his journey on Instagram @conmac_coaching.
Video: Justin Kernoghan
Anyone who needs to talk to someone about mental health issues can call the Samaritans on 116123 or Lifeline on 0808 808 8000.
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